There is a passage through the northern sea, rare and hard to find that takes you across boundaries that cannot be seen but are felt. There are no maps that can guide you but that which is marked upon your soul. Heroes and fools alike may find their way to cross such borders and are taken into a kingdom filled with great and wondrous magic. These stray fellows, these sailors, whose fortune leads them to new lands unknowingly may find themselves in lands were reason and logic are not the rulers and even more rare is the fellow that finds his way back. Yet back they have come, filled with such tales of mystery and magic, else I would not be telling you this tale tonight. The sea is there is clear as glass and water as sharp and cold. This Crystalline Sea holds many secrets both above and below. It is said that at certain times a man can catch glimpses of entire cities below it’s depths full of a strange and beautiful human like race. So tempting is the vision to a lost and hungry man, alone on the sea that many have died trying to swim down to its gates.
This tale is not of those wondrous places below the water but in the land that the sea takes you too. For if you are lucky enough to survive the hazards, the temptations and the tests that lay in the path you may reach that shoreline. Far north in this cold and lonely place stands the maiden in her crystal cage. Three keys are needed to set her free and three tasks are needed to obtain the keys. Many have tried and all have failed for this is a tale whose ending has not yet been told.
In a kingdom of great wealth, a King and his Queen had fortune to spare. Their son was strong, brave and handsome. Their daughter was winsome, beautiful and charming. All was as it should be and there was great happiness. The Prince was of an age to seek adventure, embarking on a quest to fulfill his own fortunes and fame in his own power and the Princess would make a fine match that would bring even more wealth and prosperity to the kingdom. Plans were made and the King and Queen were well satisfied and content.
But plans go array and children have plans and dreams of their own. The Prince was not much of a fighter, not did he have a particularly adventuresome heart. He was rather fond of his comforts and good food, but most of all, he loved his books. He would have gladly given up all the princely duties and lessons to pursue the truth behind the histories, philosophies and mysteries of the kingdom. What he longed for was the quiet life spent among the scholars at the various universities. His request to study beside the gentle monks and scholars, bewildered the King who saw in his son only what he wanted to see and would not be swayed away from his expectations of the Prince. The Prince loved the King and Queen, and being of a malleable spirit, desiring to please them, he reluctantly set aside his dreams and began the journey forth to fulfill the King’s.
The Princess, however, wanted nothing more then to travel among the lands, meet different and exciting people and have grand adventures. She thought little of marriage and was reluctant to become someone’s bride in an arrangement that had little to do with love and more to do with politics.
Her request to set forth on her own was meet with anger by the King and immediately denied. “Princesses do not go off traveling unless it is to their betrothed lands and only with a proper escort. Princesses do not go adventuring. It simply is not done. You will stay here and you will marry a prince as agreed upon.”
“I do not agree.” The Princess retorted for although she loved the King and Queen dearly, she was of a more stubborn nature then her brother the Prince. “I shall marry none who does not please me, and I say this now, none shall.”
The King fell into a lamentable fury and had her taken to her room where she would stay until she saw reason. He set a guard to ensure that she did not run away. It is difficult to say at this point who was at fault for both were set on their course and neither would compromise or budge. Tales were set out of her plight and princes rode forth by the dozens to rescue the maiden from her folly and her father.
“I shall stay put.” She would tell each one. “Only of my own accord shall I leave.”
The stories grew and spread across the land of this un-woe able princess and the promise of the kingdom to the man who could teach her to love. Princes and lords came from far away hoping to win a princess and a fortune.
Seeing the number of suitors their argument had wrought, the King seized his advantage, holding court after court, party after party, forcing her to attend, hoping that there was at least one man who would make her bend. The Princess held fast but each time she ventured out she grew more frightened. She had become less a maiden to be loved and more a prize to be won and conquered at any cost. It was only a mater of time, she feared, before the tale turned dark.
“Hello Katy”
Her body froze in recognition of that voice with her mind rejected the information as impossible.
“Would you care to join me for a hot meal and conversation?”
She slowly turned around and spotted Teren leaning against the wall of the tavern, a slight smile playing across his lips. Teren, whose story bleed into her life with his melodious rich tones that could make ice blush and butter feel bland if he so desired. All these years and while she had grown up, he looked exactly the same. She moved towards him reluctantly and gladly, her curiosity awakened.
“How did you know I was here?” She asked more harshly then she intended. After all was is not his fault that she was out here, cold, always verging on hunger and in search of a ghost?
“I didn’t. I had hoped that you would find your way here, but nothing is certain when a tale is spinning itself around you.” His eyes looked far away for a moment before they re-focused on the girl before him. “I am pleased to see you. I see that you have questions for me. I find answering questions to be an exceedingly more enjoyable endeavor when they are taken in conjunction with hot food and cool drinks, especially after a long day’s travel. Are you sure you won’t join me?” A slight pleading quality crept into his voice as he softly added. “I could help you if you let me.”
Katy paused for a moment, quickly realizing how little she knew of the path before her and how this bard, however exotic, was familiar enough. “Provided you buy.” She answered with a rueful smile of her own.
Relief flashed across Teren’s face as he opened the door with a grand flourish and bowed deeply as she passed through. Where the inn of her childhood was warm and welcoming, this tavern was dressed in a utilitarian nature. Lighting was dim and the simple wooden chairs and tables stood empty, as business was slow. Katy knew from experience that would change as the men and women finished up their work and those without families, sought the company of others to keep the loneliness at bay. She watched as Teren crossed the room with an air of familiarity to the sole waitress tending to the small fire and spoke to her with brief but friendly whispers. Katy felt strange as the slightly older woman flashed a smile, glancing at her with a knowing look before disappearing into the back kitchen area. “If my reputation was not in tatters before…” Katy’s thought drifted off as Teren returned to her side and escorted her to a table beside the fire.
Teren stared thoughtfully in the flames as if listening to a far off story while Katy tried to gather her thoughts. The silence as they sat grew until at last Katy spoke plaintively “You must think me a fool.”
Teren looked startled at her words and replied earnestly. “I doubt that very much.”
Before he could continue, the waitress appeared with bowls of hearty soup, a loaf of bread and two mugs of watery ale.
“Anything else luv?” She asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
“No, thank you Em.” Teren answered.
“Right then, I’ll be in back if you need me.” She giggled with a slow wink at Katy. Katy could feel the blush grow on her cheek that had little to do with the warmth of the fire.
“It is your fault, you know.” Katy grumbled in irritation and embarrassment.
“Mine?” Teren answered allowing the barest hint of amusement to creep into his voice.
“Yes, yours.” Katy continued tartly. “You and your stories and the dreams and this unsettled feeling I should be doing something but I don’t know what and here I am is a remote village and nothing makes sense.” Katy shook her head as if to clear out her thoughts and took a breath. She continued more slowly, “I don’t know why I am chasing fairytales but I just could not shake this feeling of truth that resonated within me when you told me about your maiden trapped in crystal. It is like a puzzle that I am on the verge of solving, that only I can solve. How is that for ego?” Katy gave a self-depreciating laugh. “Now I have you laughing at me!”
“Never.” Teren replied with understanding in his eyes.
Something in his voice encouraged Katy to ask the question that she was afraid he would answer. “Is it true, your story? Is there really a princess lost in a cage far north? She needs to be freed, doesn’t she? And I can do it. I know I can. It sounds so crazy. I sound crazy but I think I am the only one who can.” It was, she thought a strange kind of relief to finally speak aloud her feelings even as she dreaded the mockery she half expected to receive from him.
“I do not think you are crazy” he replied softly but firmly as he caught her eyes with his. “There is more to this world the most people are willing to acknowledge. But for those few dreamers willing to look beyond the veil of this reality, endless and amazing wonders await. I believe you Katy and I believe in you. But let me ask you this, are you willing to let go of all that you were taught as the end of reality and the beginning of dreams. Are you willing to step inside the fairytale and become the story instead of the listener? Only then will the answer to your questions of truth be found.”
Katy stared at him, not fully understanding. “Beyond? I…I don’t understand. You speak in riddles, as if magic and spells are real. The are simply embellishments to amuse and entertain.” She answered with a growing sense of uncertainty. “Right? Yet…”
“Yet the dreams whisper and tease away at your sense of reality. The truth of my tale is lost if you strip away the magic.” Teren sighed. “I wonder sometimes at the growing trend to be dismissive of our dreams and of magic.”
“Should I just accept all things blindly then?” Katy replied with a touch of pique.
“Of course not.” Teren replied mildly. “You search for answers but are you wonder if you are even asking the right questions? You feel your quest is foolish but continue anyway. Oh Katy, there was more magic in moment you started on your journey then in the casting of any spell.”
She flushed before blurting, “Magic. I don’t…I mean you speak of spells and enchantments as if you believe they are real. Have you…are you magic?” Katy looked at him as a dawning realization came to her. “How is it that you look exactly the same? It has been ten years Teren and you have not aged. How is that possible?”
His blue eyes sparkled. “Haven’t I? I admit the years are a difficult thing for me to add up but I accept your compliment, my gracious lady!” He laughed lightly, the sound warm with a secret joy. “I am a well traveled man as is the nature of my profession. Several of the places I have had the fortune to visit are not easily accessible to most travelers and not found on any map. I do not mean to speak in riddles but it is difficult for words to fully describe what can only be experienced. These places of magic – yes, real magic, change a person and leave a kind of mark upon them. Perhaps what you see is that mark upon me.”
Katy pondered for a moment as Teren took a drink of ale. “If what you say is true,” she ventured slowly, “then I need to travel to one of these places. Is that what you are telling me?” She sighed with a slight shake of her head.
“You need to follow the story.” He replied. “I am sorry, I do not mean to speak in riddles.” He added catching the irritation in her face.
“And how do I do that, find these places you call beyond? Can you tell me? Can you help me?”
“I would do more then just tell you if you choose. I have knowledge and experience with the kind of places you seek and would assist you with that knowledge. I would like to travel with you if you would have my company.”
“You want to come with me?” Katy asked with a measure of surprise. “Why? Not that I would say no to any help offered but isn’t the whole point of quests to go alone or something like that? At least in the stories I am familiar with. Would we be breaking some unwritten questing rule or such that would doom us from failure from the start?”
Teren laughed heartily. “I think it would be safe to say you would be allowed a guide or two. Besides, you will still be doing the bulk of the hero work, I’ll just be along for moral support!”
He laughed again before growing serious. “Yet you asked me why and that is a fair question that deserves a fair answer. I am a bard, we tell the stories, making sure that the deeds of others are not lost. Sometimes the stories are part of our own adventures, sometimes they belong to others but every story longs for completion. This tale has been without an ending for too long and I wish to see it, help it to its conclusion if I can. This is a rare opportunity even for a well-traveled bard. I have no illusions; this quest of freeing a princess is not mine but yours. I am not the hero here, only a companion.”
“That is it. You only want to tell the story? Nothing more?”
“Is that not enough, especially for a bard seeking to become master of his craft? We are said to be quite arrogant, you know” Teren smirked. “I won’t lie to you Katy. I have my own selfish reasons for wanting to join you. I seek…” He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “I seek, not a princess but something else. Someone else. Only time will tell if I have success.” He looked into her brown eyes. “The choice, however, is yours. What say you?”
Katy took measure of his words, an undercurrent of meaning that she could not quite grasp. “I may be a fool but not so foolish to accept help that is so freely given.” A sudden impish smile crossed her face. “I would be glad of your company but if I ever see you sitting there with a knowing look while I struggle with some puzzle, I will feed you to the…to the goblins.”
Teren laughed and offered his hand. “Agreed.” He spoke as the two shook hands and shook in friendship.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It's raining lemurs!
Writing has been going slow but it has been happening so that is always a good thing as I feel the internal blocks start to give way. Letting go of old habits of self-criticism and fear is a slow process for me as is turning to a more joyful outlook on life knowing I have the power to choose better for myself. My children can be my best teachers as they remind me when I get too wrapped up in my doubts that the need to play is a universal right. As in right now! So off we go to the zoo on a cloudy wet day to enjoy and learn about the world beyond our little house of safety. I did want to continue to share my story so here is the next part.
And now, here she was chasing faerie tales. So many times, too many times, Katy had wondered if she had imagined that the tale had been told especially for her in the first place. After all, would it not have made more sense for one of the big strapping farm lads to go off in search of glory and save a maiden trapped in a crystal? Not a skinny eighteen year old with a head full of dreams and a heart yearning for adventure. ‘The trouble is that the young men I know lack imagination and I have too much of it’, she thought ruefully. All those years had past and not once could she shake the feeling that the story belonged to her, that she alone could free the princess. ‘How is that for false vanity’, she laughed to herself. “Or perhaps it is only I that is foolish enough to try.” Katy spoke aloud to the crashing ocean that was churning below her cliff topped perch. She sighed.
For years, her practical side had fought with the dreams she saw at night. For years the image of the young maiden trapped, unable to cry, unable to dream, frozen in an immovable cage haunted Katy’s dreams. No words or sounds could be uttered but a feeling of such pain and longing to be free could not be denied and Katy felt she had no choice but to try. Dreams of a woman trapped in a cold lonely place, her silent cries for release echoing in Katy’s mind as she woke up every morning. They had become more and more intense, more vivid every night until she could stand it no longer.
‘Please understand papa, I could not stay. Not even if the dreams had never come at night’, she begged to him silently across the distance miles. She hoped he could come to accept her decision even if he could not understand it. She knew she would never be happy living the life that was expected of her. Growing up in the inn, listening and watching the men drink their ales, faces ruddy with sun and drink, telling the same tired jokes and exaggerated exploits had given her a glimpse of her expected fate at a very young age. Year after year she watched and dreamed of something different. She wanted more. The very thought of settling down with one of the farm boys was enough to make her scream. Dull, earnest farmhands with no imagination and less intelligence could never satisfy her heart. Looking out across the horizon, perched on a lonely overhang, far from the provincial prison, she still shuddered at the fate that she left.
Perhaps it was her memory of that long ago bard with had colored her impressions of the small town. Katy sighed as her thought drifted once again to that evening and of him. She had half fallen in love with him at the tender age of five. ‘Foolish child’, she smiled. ‘Grew into a foolish woman. Is that how I got here?’ She wondered as she watched the ocean rhythmically wash wave after wave against the rocks below. She felt her tired mind’s questions and doubts grow quiet as she let the steady motion of the waves wash over her mind chanting its spell until her thoughts took her back to that evening so long ago.
The bard causally moved a chair closer to the fire and somehow managed to give the impression that the rickety old thing was as grand and as comfortable as a throne. “Please forgive my lack of song, Master Salte, for the tale I have in mind lacks the music that carries the other stories along. I find that as the warms of the fire falls on me, calls to me a little told tale of cold and silence.
Katy crept closer as he began. Not many were paying attention except for her and Papa. He did not demand attention but his voice weaved a spell that slowly spun through the room as his tale captured the listeners one by one until his voice was the only one echoing throughout the room. Though tired and exhausted, his natural charm called to the hopeful hearts of his listeners. Even Mistress Abbie was not immune as she listened by the door to the kitchen.
“I would image that you have no shortage of local tales but” glancing briefly at Katy’s enrapt expression with a secret smile, “I can see from the look in you face that a story of far away places and dreams will better satisfy.” He looked at Papa, never once betraying Katy’s presence as she felt a strange thrill that his words where for her alone. “Ah yes, I can see form the gleam in your eyes that there is an interest there!” He laughed a low warm laugh and Master Salte laughed with him.
“How far shall we travel? To the sea with the wild storms that challenge even the best of sailors, or perhaps we shall go to the mountains and beyond where gold lies hidden from sight and the paths twist and turn, leading a traveler astray. Or shall we go even further to the coldest of planes, where even the mighty sea must give way to ice settling into a deceptively clear calmness, reflecting the light and land in a mirror of insight.” He sighed a melancholy sigh. “That is where she is trapped in a cage of crystal.”
The sudden crash of thunder roared along the shore and broke Katy from her dreaming, her reverie. The impending storm sent currents of urgency through her, and yet she stayed and listened as each wave came crashing in with increasing ferocity. The wind blew roughly at her face until her cheeks were course as the rocks she was standing on. Katy knew she would feel the sting later and still she stood facing the oncoming storm refusing to give in until she had done what she need to do. She drew her cloak tightly around her as a weak shield of protection, holding on as the wind made effort after effort to steal it away. Her eyes watered with pain as she scanned the horizon, uncertain of what she will find, stubborn determination warring with the doubt deep inside her. And she knew that she must go on as she decided to enter the little village that she hoped held answers for her.
Once Katy had made up her mind to leave, that she could no longer ignore the call of adventure and discovering the truth of that long ago tale, she traveled towards the Rainan sea. She had enough money to get by but not so much to attract bandits. She knew that somehow she would need to supplement her funds if she were to travel for a longer time. For now her first task was to uncover the origins of the story. ‘My quest may be foolish,’ she had told herself, ‘but I do not have to be.”
It was far more difficult of a task the she had thought though her confidence in her path was strong at the outset. She traveled cautiously for she was alone with only her skills to protect her. Some might say an easy target and they would not be far off, she admitted to her self. Her pace was slow and careful of necessity. While she was a green adventurer, she was as prepared as she could be and her initial destination was not completely unknown to her. With as much research as she could uncover, she had narrowed down her starting point to three possible villages along the rocky coastline heading northward.
Maps were a rarity, not just in their small village but also throughout the kingdom. In this though, she had a bit of luck in the year before she felt the compulsion to leave. One of her customers was a kindly well-traveled gentleman who had developed a fondness for Katy and found her refreshingly intelligent in the small community. She had persuaded the older map to lend her his precious map for an evening and had drawn a rough copy. It had taken her all night but was well worth the effort. She had particularly studied the northern coastlines. Filled with caution and trepidation but confidence in a piece of paper, she had set out.
The first two villages had been of little help in her search and the road was long. It was with diminishing hopes that she set her sights of the tiny village of Gillony on the Northern Coast.
And now, here she was chasing faerie tales. So many times, too many times, Katy had wondered if she had imagined that the tale had been told especially for her in the first place. After all, would it not have made more sense for one of the big strapping farm lads to go off in search of glory and save a maiden trapped in a crystal? Not a skinny eighteen year old with a head full of dreams and a heart yearning for adventure. ‘The trouble is that the young men I know lack imagination and I have too much of it’, she thought ruefully. All those years had past and not once could she shake the feeling that the story belonged to her, that she alone could free the princess. ‘How is that for false vanity’, she laughed to herself. “Or perhaps it is only I that is foolish enough to try.” Katy spoke aloud to the crashing ocean that was churning below her cliff topped perch. She sighed.
For years, her practical side had fought with the dreams she saw at night. For years the image of the young maiden trapped, unable to cry, unable to dream, frozen in an immovable cage haunted Katy’s dreams. No words or sounds could be uttered but a feeling of such pain and longing to be free could not be denied and Katy felt she had no choice but to try. Dreams of a woman trapped in a cold lonely place, her silent cries for release echoing in Katy’s mind as she woke up every morning. They had become more and more intense, more vivid every night until she could stand it no longer.
‘Please understand papa, I could not stay. Not even if the dreams had never come at night’, she begged to him silently across the distance miles. She hoped he could come to accept her decision even if he could not understand it. She knew she would never be happy living the life that was expected of her. Growing up in the inn, listening and watching the men drink their ales, faces ruddy with sun and drink, telling the same tired jokes and exaggerated exploits had given her a glimpse of her expected fate at a very young age. Year after year she watched and dreamed of something different. She wanted more. The very thought of settling down with one of the farm boys was enough to make her scream. Dull, earnest farmhands with no imagination and less intelligence could never satisfy her heart. Looking out across the horizon, perched on a lonely overhang, far from the provincial prison, she still shuddered at the fate that she left.
Perhaps it was her memory of that long ago bard with had colored her impressions of the small town. Katy sighed as her thought drifted once again to that evening and of him. She had half fallen in love with him at the tender age of five. ‘Foolish child’, she smiled. ‘Grew into a foolish woman. Is that how I got here?’ She wondered as she watched the ocean rhythmically wash wave after wave against the rocks below. She felt her tired mind’s questions and doubts grow quiet as she let the steady motion of the waves wash over her mind chanting its spell until her thoughts took her back to that evening so long ago.
The bard causally moved a chair closer to the fire and somehow managed to give the impression that the rickety old thing was as grand and as comfortable as a throne. “Please forgive my lack of song, Master Salte, for the tale I have in mind lacks the music that carries the other stories along. I find that as the warms of the fire falls on me, calls to me a little told tale of cold and silence.
Katy crept closer as he began. Not many were paying attention except for her and Papa. He did not demand attention but his voice weaved a spell that slowly spun through the room as his tale captured the listeners one by one until his voice was the only one echoing throughout the room. Though tired and exhausted, his natural charm called to the hopeful hearts of his listeners. Even Mistress Abbie was not immune as she listened by the door to the kitchen.
“I would image that you have no shortage of local tales but” glancing briefly at Katy’s enrapt expression with a secret smile, “I can see from the look in you face that a story of far away places and dreams will better satisfy.” He looked at Papa, never once betraying Katy’s presence as she felt a strange thrill that his words where for her alone. “Ah yes, I can see form the gleam in your eyes that there is an interest there!” He laughed a low warm laugh and Master Salte laughed with him.
“How far shall we travel? To the sea with the wild storms that challenge even the best of sailors, or perhaps we shall go to the mountains and beyond where gold lies hidden from sight and the paths twist and turn, leading a traveler astray. Or shall we go even further to the coldest of planes, where even the mighty sea must give way to ice settling into a deceptively clear calmness, reflecting the light and land in a mirror of insight.” He sighed a melancholy sigh. “That is where she is trapped in a cage of crystal.”
The sudden crash of thunder roared along the shore and broke Katy from her dreaming, her reverie. The impending storm sent currents of urgency through her, and yet she stayed and listened as each wave came crashing in with increasing ferocity. The wind blew roughly at her face until her cheeks were course as the rocks she was standing on. Katy knew she would feel the sting later and still she stood facing the oncoming storm refusing to give in until she had done what she need to do. She drew her cloak tightly around her as a weak shield of protection, holding on as the wind made effort after effort to steal it away. Her eyes watered with pain as she scanned the horizon, uncertain of what she will find, stubborn determination warring with the doubt deep inside her. And she knew that she must go on as she decided to enter the little village that she hoped held answers for her.
Once Katy had made up her mind to leave, that she could no longer ignore the call of adventure and discovering the truth of that long ago tale, she traveled towards the Rainan sea. She had enough money to get by but not so much to attract bandits. She knew that somehow she would need to supplement her funds if she were to travel for a longer time. For now her first task was to uncover the origins of the story. ‘My quest may be foolish,’ she had told herself, ‘but I do not have to be.”
It was far more difficult of a task the she had thought though her confidence in her path was strong at the outset. She traveled cautiously for she was alone with only her skills to protect her. Some might say an easy target and they would not be far off, she admitted to her self. Her pace was slow and careful of necessity. While she was a green adventurer, she was as prepared as she could be and her initial destination was not completely unknown to her. With as much research as she could uncover, she had narrowed down her starting point to three possible villages along the rocky coastline heading northward.
Maps were a rarity, not just in their small village but also throughout the kingdom. In this though, she had a bit of luck in the year before she felt the compulsion to leave. One of her customers was a kindly well-traveled gentleman who had developed a fondness for Katy and found her refreshingly intelligent in the small community. She had persuaded the older map to lend her his precious map for an evening and had drawn a rough copy. It had taken her all night but was well worth the effort. She had particularly studied the northern coastlines. Filled with caution and trepidation but confidence in a piece of paper, she had set out.
The first two villages had been of little help in her search and the road was long. It was with diminishing hopes that she set her sights of the tiny village of Gillony on the Northern Coast.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Summer Update
Well I look at how long ago my last post was and blush as the summer is almost over. Time flies when you are having fun and looking after two very bored children!
My latest Nia update is that I have slowly been working on my first routine, Sanjana and taught my first songs with Laurie and Fred's blessing. While marked for improvement, I was not expecting it to be so much fun! It continues to amaze me, just how much Nia gives me as a person, healing not only my body but my mind and my spirit. Each class is a promise and a challenge for me to grow stronger and more present in my life. Last two classes, Laurie asked us to come up with one word or short phrase for what Nia brings to us. My word on Sunday was self-love and on Wednesday, it was pretty.
So feeling a bit crazy but in that same spirit of growth and crazy fun, I signed up for Adult beginning Jazz classes at my daughter’s dance studio and it has been a blast. It is also fun to take the principles of Nia and adapt them in a new setting. Learning the steps and turns has been great at revealing and breaking some of my habits, encouraging me to find new adaptability and flexibility.
I have even managed to get some writing in on finishing an old short story I started years ago. My hope is to have it finished by end of summer.
Here is a brief excerpt for those willing to brave my prose!
The Crystalline Sea
By Christina Norman
She was five years old the first time the stranger came round the inn. It was a dark wet night as the rain was attacking the ground with a ferocity that drove travelers to seek shelter in every possible corner huddled miserably, trying to get dry. He wore the raindrops pouring about him as comfortably as he wore his blue travel worn cloak. The water on his handsome aquiline face and sandy blonde hair gleamed, giving him, it seemed to her, an otherworldly glow as she watched from her perch at the window. Just for a moment the glow seemed to intensify as he caught her watching him through the window and smiled almost knowingly. It faded so quickly that as he swept through the doors into the warmth of the inn, Katy immediately questioned if she even saw it in the first place.
Katy’s papa spied the newcomer and greeted him with his booming voice “Tis a cold, wet night you choose to visit the fine Amber Rose Inn. If you be seekin’ an evening stay, I’ve only the common room available, we booked up fast. However we have plenty of the finest stew in Merlin’s Bluff, all the credit goes to me Abbie. The bread is hot and the ale is cool. I brew me own ale, no watered down stuff steps foot on my watch ain’t that right Jonas?”
“Aye, Master Salte, youse speak nottin’ but the truth!” shouted Jonas sitting at a nearby table. The husky lad had obviously been enjoying several samples of Master Salte’s labor. He was sitting with his friends. The four young farmhands had gathered that evening out of the rain. Morning would come early and the calloused hands would once again, no matter the weather, plow and till, plant and fix, harness and tend. Tonight, those busy hands lay idle except to lift the mugs of ale to quench thirsty throats and spoons to feed hungry stomachs.
Betts, the pretty maid Katy’s papa had hired, twirled, flirted ans served with an deft touch as the weather had drawn more and more of the town folk and travelers to the inn for food and comfort. Master Salte knew from experience that foul as the weather may be, very fair would be his night’s earnings. Mistress Abbie, papa’s wife was busy in the kitchen, overseeing the roasts, pies, stews and breads that the inn’s patrons demanded and raved over. Too busy to keep an eye on a small wiry girl. She failed to notice Katy quietly observing the bustle and taking in the storm from her perch in a shadowy corner, instead of sleeping in her room.
Katy had bristled at Abbie’s commanding tone that she was to stay in her room and out of the way. At first it was simple defiance that drew Katy out to the common room unnoticed and that same bit of rebellion was why she stayed. Despite all of the activity, it was the same conversations, the same concerns that adults always seem to fret over, as it was every night. The men would talk about money – who had it, who did not and who needed it, weather and the effect on the current crops, farming, farming and more farming. The women would invariably turn the conversation to marriage, who should be, who wanted to be who wasn’t until finally the subject turned to babies. Yuck, bleh and double bleh! Katy did not understand grown-ups at all! And she certainly did not want to become one if it meant that one had to forget how to play jacks or if one was not allow to go running through the meadow at the back of the inn, chasing butterflies and counting bees.
It was the stranger in the storm, the stranger that walked through the doors of the Amber Rose that caught her interest. She felt a tingle of excitement. Something new, she thought. Katy was certain that something unusual, something amazing was going to happen. So instead of returning to her room, she stayed. Keeping very still, Katy kept an eye out for Abbie. She was determined she was not going to get caught and sent to bed.
The young man smiled at papa broadly and replied, “A place in the common room will suit me just fine. I fear the strength of your good ale would be wasted on a poor man like myself and will make do with water. I, however, must insist on a bowl of Mistress Abbie’s stew for I have been told for the last three town’s it is the finest in the district.” Words flowed like honey from his mouth, smooth and sweet to the ear, both in tone and flattery. Katy watched in fascination as he un-strapped from the pack he was carrying, a case and set it on the table lovingly.
“You be one of those traveling minstrels, aye?” Master Salte asked with a gleam of interest in his eyes not unlike his hidden daughter’s.
Mistaking the look, the young stranger started to pull out the bag which he carried his coins. “Indeed, I am. I assure you I have coin enough for the bed and meals. There will be no begging from me tonight.”
“Nay lad, I mean no harm. I trust well enough that you’d have asked for work up front if you needed it. We don’t often see your kind in these parts. Being a bit on the remote side and all with little to offer the fancy going city folk. Only during the spring and summer festivals do we get a chance to hear someone besides Ole Harry making a go at a tale or two.” Master Salte cleared his throat nervously. “It just seems a shame with the weather so awful and all, that perhaps you might help us pass the time by sharing one of your stories.” Katy’s ears perked up and she looked over with eager interest. A story! This was worth the risk of getting caught.
The handsome minstrel smiled a rueful smile, expressing both weariness and understanding. “I has been a long day of travel and I was looking forward to a quiet evening.” His brilliant blue eyes met Katy’s brown soulful ones for a moment. Katy stifled a gasp, certain she was going to be ratted out. Instead he flashed a warm smile at the child, and turned to her papa. “If you give me but a moment of time to savor my supper and to rest a while, I believe I have a tale for the telling.” Katy’s heart leapt with joy as her papa signaled to Betts to bring a bowl of stew.
“Of course, my friend. Of course.” Betts quickly served the young man supper with her brightest smile, sighing over his handsome face as she left for the kitchen. Katy waited and watched in sweet anticipation of the story that was to come.
That evening was the first time that Katy heard of the maiden trapped in a Crystal Cage lost in the Crystalline Sea. Little did she dream, how that story was about to take a hold of her life.
My latest Nia update is that I have slowly been working on my first routine, Sanjana and taught my first songs with Laurie and Fred's blessing. While marked for improvement, I was not expecting it to be so much fun! It continues to amaze me, just how much Nia gives me as a person, healing not only my body but my mind and my spirit. Each class is a promise and a challenge for me to grow stronger and more present in my life. Last two classes, Laurie asked us to come up with one word or short phrase for what Nia brings to us. My word on Sunday was self-love and on Wednesday, it was pretty.
So feeling a bit crazy but in that same spirit of growth and crazy fun, I signed up for Adult beginning Jazz classes at my daughter’s dance studio and it has been a blast. It is also fun to take the principles of Nia and adapt them in a new setting. Learning the steps and turns has been great at revealing and breaking some of my habits, encouraging me to find new adaptability and flexibility.
I have even managed to get some writing in on finishing an old short story I started years ago. My hope is to have it finished by end of summer.
Here is a brief excerpt for those willing to brave my prose!
The Crystalline Sea
By Christina Norman
She was five years old the first time the stranger came round the inn. It was a dark wet night as the rain was attacking the ground with a ferocity that drove travelers to seek shelter in every possible corner huddled miserably, trying to get dry. He wore the raindrops pouring about him as comfortably as he wore his blue travel worn cloak. The water on his handsome aquiline face and sandy blonde hair gleamed, giving him, it seemed to her, an otherworldly glow as she watched from her perch at the window. Just for a moment the glow seemed to intensify as he caught her watching him through the window and smiled almost knowingly. It faded so quickly that as he swept through the doors into the warmth of the inn, Katy immediately questioned if she even saw it in the first place.
Katy’s papa spied the newcomer and greeted him with his booming voice “Tis a cold, wet night you choose to visit the fine Amber Rose Inn. If you be seekin’ an evening stay, I’ve only the common room available, we booked up fast. However we have plenty of the finest stew in Merlin’s Bluff, all the credit goes to me Abbie. The bread is hot and the ale is cool. I brew me own ale, no watered down stuff steps foot on my watch ain’t that right Jonas?”
“Aye, Master Salte, youse speak nottin’ but the truth!” shouted Jonas sitting at a nearby table. The husky lad had obviously been enjoying several samples of Master Salte’s labor. He was sitting with his friends. The four young farmhands had gathered that evening out of the rain. Morning would come early and the calloused hands would once again, no matter the weather, plow and till, plant and fix, harness and tend. Tonight, those busy hands lay idle except to lift the mugs of ale to quench thirsty throats and spoons to feed hungry stomachs.
Betts, the pretty maid Katy’s papa had hired, twirled, flirted ans served with an deft touch as the weather had drawn more and more of the town folk and travelers to the inn for food and comfort. Master Salte knew from experience that foul as the weather may be, very fair would be his night’s earnings. Mistress Abbie, papa’s wife was busy in the kitchen, overseeing the roasts, pies, stews and breads that the inn’s patrons demanded and raved over. Too busy to keep an eye on a small wiry girl. She failed to notice Katy quietly observing the bustle and taking in the storm from her perch in a shadowy corner, instead of sleeping in her room.
Katy had bristled at Abbie’s commanding tone that she was to stay in her room and out of the way. At first it was simple defiance that drew Katy out to the common room unnoticed and that same bit of rebellion was why she stayed. Despite all of the activity, it was the same conversations, the same concerns that adults always seem to fret over, as it was every night. The men would talk about money – who had it, who did not and who needed it, weather and the effect on the current crops, farming, farming and more farming. The women would invariably turn the conversation to marriage, who should be, who wanted to be who wasn’t until finally the subject turned to babies. Yuck, bleh and double bleh! Katy did not understand grown-ups at all! And she certainly did not want to become one if it meant that one had to forget how to play jacks or if one was not allow to go running through the meadow at the back of the inn, chasing butterflies and counting bees.
It was the stranger in the storm, the stranger that walked through the doors of the Amber Rose that caught her interest. She felt a tingle of excitement. Something new, she thought. Katy was certain that something unusual, something amazing was going to happen. So instead of returning to her room, she stayed. Keeping very still, Katy kept an eye out for Abbie. She was determined she was not going to get caught and sent to bed.
The young man smiled at papa broadly and replied, “A place in the common room will suit me just fine. I fear the strength of your good ale would be wasted on a poor man like myself and will make do with water. I, however, must insist on a bowl of Mistress Abbie’s stew for I have been told for the last three town’s it is the finest in the district.” Words flowed like honey from his mouth, smooth and sweet to the ear, both in tone and flattery. Katy watched in fascination as he un-strapped from the pack he was carrying, a case and set it on the table lovingly.
“You be one of those traveling minstrels, aye?” Master Salte asked with a gleam of interest in his eyes not unlike his hidden daughter’s.
Mistaking the look, the young stranger started to pull out the bag which he carried his coins. “Indeed, I am. I assure you I have coin enough for the bed and meals. There will be no begging from me tonight.”
“Nay lad, I mean no harm. I trust well enough that you’d have asked for work up front if you needed it. We don’t often see your kind in these parts. Being a bit on the remote side and all with little to offer the fancy going city folk. Only during the spring and summer festivals do we get a chance to hear someone besides Ole Harry making a go at a tale or two.” Master Salte cleared his throat nervously. “It just seems a shame with the weather so awful and all, that perhaps you might help us pass the time by sharing one of your stories.” Katy’s ears perked up and she looked over with eager interest. A story! This was worth the risk of getting caught.
The handsome minstrel smiled a rueful smile, expressing both weariness and understanding. “I has been a long day of travel and I was looking forward to a quiet evening.” His brilliant blue eyes met Katy’s brown soulful ones for a moment. Katy stifled a gasp, certain she was going to be ratted out. Instead he flashed a warm smile at the child, and turned to her papa. “If you give me but a moment of time to savor my supper and to rest a while, I believe I have a tale for the telling.” Katy’s heart leapt with joy as her papa signaled to Betts to bring a bowl of stew.
“Of course, my friend. Of course.” Betts quickly served the young man supper with her brightest smile, sighing over his handsome face as she left for the kitchen. Katy waited and watched in sweet anticipation of the story that was to come.
That evening was the first time that Katy heard of the maiden trapped in a Crystal Cage lost in the Crystalline Sea. Little did she dream, how that story was about to take a hold of her life.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Riding the Waves - Days 5, 6, & 7 of Nia White Belt
Day Five:
On Day five, we worked with principle #9, Creative Arm and Hand Expression with Debbie. It turns out that this was going to be our last day with her as she was flying out the next day. The level of detail amazed me and how by, again, connecting the bone and muscle functionality really gave the movements a lot of power. It was interesting to really feel some of the hand movements differently and really feel the muscles engage. For example the hand flicks. Normally I just flick my hands out thinking okay this is how it is done but after the workshop and after really engaging and providing enough tension on the out to make the noise, I could really feel my lower arm muscles getting a workout they had not gotten before. Spear fingers was another hand technique that made a lot more sense for me as Debbie had us go back and forth between holding our arms out with open palm and then engaging the spear fingers to feel the difference in support and in ease.
Afterwards we returned to FreeDance (principle #4 for those keeping track!) and worked with switching between the six different types that we were taught. Freedance, being seduced by the music, feelings and emotions, creative source, authentic movement and witness. My moment of aha came with working with the witness. The witness is invited to come in and simply observe our tendencies without judgment or manipulation. For some odd reason my critic thought this meant it was his turn giving me such fine feedback like ‘You really suck at the feelings and emotions one.’ ‘Thank you very much for your input’ and moving on. The light bulb moment came as I invited the witness as I was in a freedance stage and immediately my mind (or critic still) responded with “you always start with your arms.” (true) but I just kind of let it go when out of the blue the real witnessing happened. It was this soft gentle voice that said, “Hey, I noticed that when you freedance, you tend to keep your eyes and your head down.” Oh. Oh! I had to stop myself from immediately changing it, instead I stayed with the dance as it was and really noticed how it felt. Now I can choose to go there or not. I found my witness!
The afternoon was spent on principle #10, X-ray anatomy that was pretty interesting. Our practice is to do quick stick like drawings of people’s bones that Carlos called Zorro. This is to train our eyes to see others and ourselves in terms of lines and structure with out judgment or manipulation. There was a lot of discussion on bone, ligaments, structure, muscles both intrinsic and extrinsic but the main things I walked away with was that the 200 bones and 700 muscles (rounded not exact numbers) give us endless possibilities of movement to avoid repetitive movements that decrease our nervous systems ability to respond.
We ended with a wild card Wednesday Nia routine with Carlos focusing on creative arm and hand expression. It was a blast. He had us move like penguins with our arms behind our backs and then later we were card-shuffling kangaroos that only come out at night. What was clear was Carlo’s sheer mastery and skills with the routine combined with a balancing of joy and looseness with out ever losing control was incredible and the energy that was created was exhilarating. As I mentioned before we ended with “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter” before cool down and it was just perfect.
Day Six:
Day six started with a review of as many of the 52 moves as we could get in before running out of time. Again Carlos was able to bring a level of attention and detail to each move that was very enlightening. The level and depth to the work and the awareness is endless. Afterward we went on to principle #12, continuing education as he went through the tools and processes that are available to get to the point of sharing a routine with real live students instead of bears. I did write down and really liked his comment of practice the routine in many different ways to create many different memory banks to call upon. It is important to first embody the routine and that the music it precise.
In the afternoon Liz talked to us about principle #11, business and marketing. She talked about the different ways to sharing the joy and talking about what you love. (Sort of like this blog!). We then moved on to the actually licensing part. What was interesting to me at the time was how the energy of the room changed. It felt to me as if an element of anxiety entered the room and I could see people start talking among themselves as Maria was explaining the licensing details, the same questions were being asked over and over and assumptions were being made. It is a pretty big decision. After the final person licensed, there were only a few of us around but those few of us were determined to clear the space even if there were only three of us. After a quick round up about half the class returned and we clear the space with Liz and Maria. I am really glad that we did.
Liz taught Nia class that night, giving us an opportunity to dance to Sanjana (for those that were new to the routine) with a focus on X-ray anatomy. It was a lovely, calm and almost restorative class for me. It was really great to dance Sanjana with a mindfulness that I had not given to it before and Liz was fantastic.
Day Seven:
Finally, the seventh and the last day of Nia White Belt came and it was just as full as the others. Carlos introduced the last principle, teaching what you sense and had us warm up our vocals in an active practice before taking us through a simple routine. He had us listening to the music, dancing the music, asking our bodies what we sense, waiting and then speaking “Everybody sense your …” several times in different way. All this to get practice at juggling just a fraction of what teachers will need to juggle while teaching a class. I discovered that I had to pull everything in small or I would loose my step or my ear for the music, usually the moment I tried to speak the line the second or third time (it never really felt natural to me) and this was with a song and a simple step that I know really really well. Even after pulling it in small, it took a ton of focus to say balanced even most of the time. I said it before but it bears repeating, the effort, ability and ease that Laurie and Fred bring to teaching us a song, a routine is very inspiring and appreciated. It is truly incredible what they do.
After a quick lunch we wrapped up with a discussion on taking nia home and giving thanks to everyone who held the space for us while we were gone. (Hi Chris, Hi mom,) and at the very end of the talk, the pressure got to us and we created our own little triad of Jump in the sack – write a letter – ask how the week went – which while not particularly original, amused us to no end. After another short break we were presented with our certificates and white belts, which we put on as a class in a graduation like ceremony and cleared the space one final time. Underneath my tiredness was a huge sense of accomplishment and excitement to take all of the tools, practice and knowledge from the week and go even deeper into my Nia practice. I opted to go home to my family instead of the celebration afterward and knew I made the right choice when my son came flying at me as I came through the door and my energy lifted.
Of all the pearls and insights that I got, the one that keeps coming back to me as the most important and humbling is the idea that I can get a move, and maybe even be good or excellent at it but never see it as good enough because there is always more details, more depth and more improvement to be found if you commit to the practice.
On Day five, we worked with principle #9, Creative Arm and Hand Expression with Debbie. It turns out that this was going to be our last day with her as she was flying out the next day. The level of detail amazed me and how by, again, connecting the bone and muscle functionality really gave the movements a lot of power. It was interesting to really feel some of the hand movements differently and really feel the muscles engage. For example the hand flicks. Normally I just flick my hands out thinking okay this is how it is done but after the workshop and after really engaging and providing enough tension on the out to make the noise, I could really feel my lower arm muscles getting a workout they had not gotten before. Spear fingers was another hand technique that made a lot more sense for me as Debbie had us go back and forth between holding our arms out with open palm and then engaging the spear fingers to feel the difference in support and in ease.
Afterwards we returned to FreeDance (principle #4 for those keeping track!) and worked with switching between the six different types that we were taught. Freedance, being seduced by the music, feelings and emotions, creative source, authentic movement and witness. My moment of aha came with working with the witness. The witness is invited to come in and simply observe our tendencies without judgment or manipulation. For some odd reason my critic thought this meant it was his turn giving me such fine feedback like ‘You really suck at the feelings and emotions one.’ ‘Thank you very much for your input’ and moving on. The light bulb moment came as I invited the witness as I was in a freedance stage and immediately my mind (or critic still) responded with “you always start with your arms.” (true) but I just kind of let it go when out of the blue the real witnessing happened. It was this soft gentle voice that said, “Hey, I noticed that when you freedance, you tend to keep your eyes and your head down.” Oh. Oh! I had to stop myself from immediately changing it, instead I stayed with the dance as it was and really noticed how it felt. Now I can choose to go there or not. I found my witness!
The afternoon was spent on principle #10, X-ray anatomy that was pretty interesting. Our practice is to do quick stick like drawings of people’s bones that Carlos called Zorro. This is to train our eyes to see others and ourselves in terms of lines and structure with out judgment or manipulation. There was a lot of discussion on bone, ligaments, structure, muscles both intrinsic and extrinsic but the main things I walked away with was that the 200 bones and 700 muscles (rounded not exact numbers) give us endless possibilities of movement to avoid repetitive movements that decrease our nervous systems ability to respond.
We ended with a wild card Wednesday Nia routine with Carlos focusing on creative arm and hand expression. It was a blast. He had us move like penguins with our arms behind our backs and then later we were card-shuffling kangaroos that only come out at night. What was clear was Carlo’s sheer mastery and skills with the routine combined with a balancing of joy and looseness with out ever losing control was incredible and the energy that was created was exhilarating. As I mentioned before we ended with “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter” before cool down and it was just perfect.
Day Six:
Day six started with a review of as many of the 52 moves as we could get in before running out of time. Again Carlos was able to bring a level of attention and detail to each move that was very enlightening. The level and depth to the work and the awareness is endless. Afterward we went on to principle #12, continuing education as he went through the tools and processes that are available to get to the point of sharing a routine with real live students instead of bears. I did write down and really liked his comment of practice the routine in many different ways to create many different memory banks to call upon. It is important to first embody the routine and that the music it precise.
In the afternoon Liz talked to us about principle #11, business and marketing. She talked about the different ways to sharing the joy and talking about what you love. (Sort of like this blog!). We then moved on to the actually licensing part. What was interesting to me at the time was how the energy of the room changed. It felt to me as if an element of anxiety entered the room and I could see people start talking among themselves as Maria was explaining the licensing details, the same questions were being asked over and over and assumptions were being made. It is a pretty big decision. After the final person licensed, there were only a few of us around but those few of us were determined to clear the space even if there were only three of us. After a quick round up about half the class returned and we clear the space with Liz and Maria. I am really glad that we did.
Liz taught Nia class that night, giving us an opportunity to dance to Sanjana (for those that were new to the routine) with a focus on X-ray anatomy. It was a lovely, calm and almost restorative class for me. It was really great to dance Sanjana with a mindfulness that I had not given to it before and Liz was fantastic.
Day Seven:
Finally, the seventh and the last day of Nia White Belt came and it was just as full as the others. Carlos introduced the last principle, teaching what you sense and had us warm up our vocals in an active practice before taking us through a simple routine. He had us listening to the music, dancing the music, asking our bodies what we sense, waiting and then speaking “Everybody sense your …” several times in different way. All this to get practice at juggling just a fraction of what teachers will need to juggle while teaching a class. I discovered that I had to pull everything in small or I would loose my step or my ear for the music, usually the moment I tried to speak the line the second or third time (it never really felt natural to me) and this was with a song and a simple step that I know really really well. Even after pulling it in small, it took a ton of focus to say balanced even most of the time. I said it before but it bears repeating, the effort, ability and ease that Laurie and Fred bring to teaching us a song, a routine is very inspiring and appreciated. It is truly incredible what they do.
After a quick lunch we wrapped up with a discussion on taking nia home and giving thanks to everyone who held the space for us while we were gone. (Hi Chris, Hi mom,) and at the very end of the talk, the pressure got to us and we created our own little triad of Jump in the sack – write a letter – ask how the week went – which while not particularly original, amused us to no end. After another short break we were presented with our certificates and white belts, which we put on as a class in a graduation like ceremony and cleared the space one final time. Underneath my tiredness was a huge sense of accomplishment and excitement to take all of the tools, practice and knowledge from the week and go even deeper into my Nia practice. I opted to go home to my family instead of the celebration afterward and knew I made the right choice when my son came flying at me as I came through the door and my energy lifted.
Of all the pearls and insights that I got, the one that keeps coming back to me as the most important and humbling is the idea that I can get a move, and maybe even be good or excellent at it but never see it as good enough because there is always more details, more depth and more improvement to be found if you commit to the practice.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Underneath the ocean - Nia Day Four
Day four was rather interesting on a lot of levels and in many ways it was not the easiest day for me and on another it was probably the most powerful in hindsight. There was further exploration of the 8BC system and being able to flower and dress the bars to give us information to help teach. Then there was some more work with FreeDance including more work with feelings and emotions, then we were introduced to creative source and authentic movement. I was back to struggling a bit as I tried my hand at the new levels and trying to find my way and being able find the one without counting. The feelings and emotions part still felt a little foolish while the creative source less so. Definetly room for me to grow!
In the afternoon we worked the core with Debbie and we stirred up a ton of energy as I will get to in a bit. Catherine from Wednesday night classes joined us along with her Salem Nia instructor Regina. She is doing great and says hello to everyone. Debbie taught the Nia class and we got the work the core some more with Ameythist. Overall, for me today was more cerebral and less physical exhaustion so I found I had more energy for the class.
As I was driving home, I could feel this heaviness in my chest and I managed to make it until I was just across my house when I started to cry. I pulled in and sat in the garage just crying. (I just have to point out the irony that as I could feel this coming on, the song Point of No Return was playing) I didn’t really try and figure out the why at that point, I just accepted it as old junk that need to be released. When I finally got inside, my husband took one look and me and held me as I sobbed to him and apologized for not be the same size as when he married me. His response was perfect and he just let me cry and babble for a bit. After I calmed down, he asked if there was anything he could do for me. My response. “Wanna have sex?” He lights up. “Okay!” Without entering into the too much information space (which it may be too late already!) I’ll just say that it was really good.
So I am now a day late but tomorrow is an early morning so day five to be here soon. I will say that today was incredible and the Nia class was absolutely wild. Carlos ended with "The Hearts is a Lonely Hunter" and the energy was dialed up to eleven in the room. Pure heaven!
In the afternoon we worked the core with Debbie and we stirred up a ton of energy as I will get to in a bit. Catherine from Wednesday night classes joined us along with her Salem Nia instructor Regina. She is doing great and says hello to everyone. Debbie taught the Nia class and we got the work the core some more with Ameythist. Overall, for me today was more cerebral and less physical exhaustion so I found I had more energy for the class.
As I was driving home, I could feel this heaviness in my chest and I managed to make it until I was just across my house when I started to cry. I pulled in and sat in the garage just crying. (I just have to point out the irony that as I could feel this coming on, the song Point of No Return was playing) I didn’t really try and figure out the why at that point, I just accepted it as old junk that need to be released. When I finally got inside, my husband took one look and me and held me as I sobbed to him and apologized for not be the same size as when he married me. His response was perfect and he just let me cry and babble for a bit. After I calmed down, he asked if there was anything he could do for me. My response. “Wanna have sex?” He lights up. “Okay!” Without entering into the too much information space (which it may be too late already!) I’ll just say that it was really good.
So I am now a day late but tomorrow is an early morning so day five to be here soon. I will say that today was incredible and the Nia class was absolutely wild. Carlos ended with "The Hearts is a Lonely Hunter" and the energy was dialed up to eleven in the room. Pure heaven!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Today. Was a good day. Day Three
Wow, today was amazing. There is just so much and so many butterflies of ideas, stories of insight that it is all just rolling around in my head like a bunch of gibberish. That said, is seems a shame not to provide some kind of post so here I am in rambling incoherent glory.
This morning started with the drive in and I started to play with St. Etienne’s Alpha Fox Beta album with the 8BC system and see if I could find the beat, find the one count and recognize the different elements of the song. I then played with listening to the different instruments coming in and out of silence. Kindergarten stuff as Carlos would say but it really opened up for me, a whole new element to music and it was enjoyable on a whole new level.
Then as I parked my car and walked down to the street, I decided to become more aware of how I walk, choosing to play with the Alexander Technique a bit more. Yesterday I have discovered that I have a tendency to look down a bit instead of out, though I have to also acknowledge that I do not do this near as much as I used to after discovering Nia. So I discovered what would happen if I trust my feet to go down the stairs without looking down, (a little unnerving, I have to confess) and then walked out across the street to the Nia Studio. Energetically I felt strong and confident and it was very interesting to notice how many people on the street walk with their heads down and the energy that brings.
On the drive home, having tried the stairs going down again without looking at my feet, it was still a little unnerving and at time I felt unsure as I had to trust that my feet know what they were doing and I had just been working with them all day so we are the best of friends now and everything, right. I mean, I even rubbed and thanked them for all the hard work today and everything. On the drive home, I think about the stairs at home and I take them all the time with out thinking, with out looking. Is this because I am familiar with them, going up and down many times a day? And then it hits me what the main difference was. Outside, I have shoes on; at home I am barefoot most of the time. Bingo! You mean there really is something to all of this feet sending the rest of the body information through its thousand of nerves? I love it!
Speaking of feet, I spent the afternoon learning how to walk. Wow, that was incredible just how far removed I was from using my feet the body’s way. I thought I was closer then I was with all the practice of the steps and stances that we did but Debbie really had us exploring how to walk, how the different bones in our feet and legs are designed to work, I discovered where was weak and then boom! Ah that is the weak muscle on the inside of my left foot that is leading to my knee to complain. Now I know where to direct some self-healing.
Which leads me back to the beginning of the day where Carlos shared with us the fifth principle, Awareness. There was just so much that was shared about self-healing, pleasure and pain as sensations, it was just incredible and I couldn’t even begin to recapture it. I will share the thought that occurred to me. I have heard the phrase, ‘I need to be in my body more’, quite a bit or ‘I thought I was in my body more then I thought I was’. My take away thought after this morning that it was not so much that I need to be in my body more because, hey, you know, my body has pretty much been here all along, it has just been waiting for me to notice, to pay attention. So I would say that I have discovered that there is a near overwhelming amount of information and sensation that my body gives me that I need to open up the neural pathways (or reprogram if you will) through the practice of awareness before I can even begin to access a fraction of that without short circuiting. Luckily the universe and my body will take care to go slowly so that does not happen. Still it is yet another avenue introduced in the principles to explore.
One final thought is that for some reason the energy of the day and the class felt really good, really focused and much lighter then the previous days. There was a lot of laughing, especially in the morning as we explored emotions. I though of you male Fred with great affection and sympathy!
Okay, I lied to you, one more thing that I just need to share. When we moved with FreeDance today, Carlos had us work more with moving with the creative energy through the body and the art of choosing to move to the music or not but still listening to the music. Yesterday when I tried to feel that creative energy he had described I did my best but can you say “Epic Fail!” Okay it wasn’t that bad and I certainly learned what it was not even if I was moving creatively and there was definite growth as I discovered that I could hear the music, be detached on a certain level to be able to choose to move the way I created. I didn’t have to get lost in the music. As we explored this further today, I got it. I felt that energy that he was talking about but could not describe and I knew it. It was incredible! It only lasted a few bars but now I know exactly how it feels and I was not lost in anything. I could still hear the music, I could choose to follow it or not but it was just so full and amazing. I know this does not even come close to describing the feelings or if it even makes sense but yeah. That is kind of all there is to say. YES!
Debbie taught the Nia class this evening (Opal for those wondering) and I highly recommend that if you ever get the chance to take a class from Carlos or Debbie or preferably both. Do it. Very different and wonderful and a lot noisier then our classes are. There was a lot more growling and cheering and having a class of 50 plus people yelling yes and no at the same time almost makes up for the lack of space in its power. Almost. It was also interesting that as exhausted as I was, and I could not move out of level one for most of the class, how much energy was given back. It was also interesting to note the different energies in the different parts of the room. For me, the space near the window felt more open and as a result I felt more open. Near the middle and towards the front was some crazy powerful energy and it was near impossible to stay level one, and it felt really good. By the door, I felt more constrained and my energy dropped as my attention seemed to focus on how tired I was instead of the pleasure. Needless to say, as soon as I could, I made my way back to the windows and I felt recharged enough to enjoy the rest of the class. I do have to point out that the last song, my movements were pretty darn pathetic!
Well this turned out longer then I had anticipated and hopefully it makes some strange kind of sense, or at least bit of amusement at my thoughts. This is all pretty incredible and I am off to ground and get some rest for the core of the body tomorrow.
This morning started with the drive in and I started to play with St. Etienne’s Alpha Fox Beta album with the 8BC system and see if I could find the beat, find the one count and recognize the different elements of the song. I then played with listening to the different instruments coming in and out of silence. Kindergarten stuff as Carlos would say but it really opened up for me, a whole new element to music and it was enjoyable on a whole new level.
Then as I parked my car and walked down to the street, I decided to become more aware of how I walk, choosing to play with the Alexander Technique a bit more. Yesterday I have discovered that I have a tendency to look down a bit instead of out, though I have to also acknowledge that I do not do this near as much as I used to after discovering Nia. So I discovered what would happen if I trust my feet to go down the stairs without looking down, (a little unnerving, I have to confess) and then walked out across the street to the Nia Studio. Energetically I felt strong and confident and it was very interesting to notice how many people on the street walk with their heads down and the energy that brings.
On the drive home, having tried the stairs going down again without looking at my feet, it was still a little unnerving and at time I felt unsure as I had to trust that my feet know what they were doing and I had just been working with them all day so we are the best of friends now and everything, right. I mean, I even rubbed and thanked them for all the hard work today and everything. On the drive home, I think about the stairs at home and I take them all the time with out thinking, with out looking. Is this because I am familiar with them, going up and down many times a day? And then it hits me what the main difference was. Outside, I have shoes on; at home I am barefoot most of the time. Bingo! You mean there really is something to all of this feet sending the rest of the body information through its thousand of nerves? I love it!
Speaking of feet, I spent the afternoon learning how to walk. Wow, that was incredible just how far removed I was from using my feet the body’s way. I thought I was closer then I was with all the practice of the steps and stances that we did but Debbie really had us exploring how to walk, how the different bones in our feet and legs are designed to work, I discovered where was weak and then boom! Ah that is the weak muscle on the inside of my left foot that is leading to my knee to complain. Now I know where to direct some self-healing.
Which leads me back to the beginning of the day where Carlos shared with us the fifth principle, Awareness. There was just so much that was shared about self-healing, pleasure and pain as sensations, it was just incredible and I couldn’t even begin to recapture it. I will share the thought that occurred to me. I have heard the phrase, ‘I need to be in my body more’, quite a bit or ‘I thought I was in my body more then I thought I was’. My take away thought after this morning that it was not so much that I need to be in my body more because, hey, you know, my body has pretty much been here all along, it has just been waiting for me to notice, to pay attention. So I would say that I have discovered that there is a near overwhelming amount of information and sensation that my body gives me that I need to open up the neural pathways (or reprogram if you will) through the practice of awareness before I can even begin to access a fraction of that without short circuiting. Luckily the universe and my body will take care to go slowly so that does not happen. Still it is yet another avenue introduced in the principles to explore.
One final thought is that for some reason the energy of the day and the class felt really good, really focused and much lighter then the previous days. There was a lot of laughing, especially in the morning as we explored emotions. I though of you male Fred with great affection and sympathy!
Okay, I lied to you, one more thing that I just need to share. When we moved with FreeDance today, Carlos had us work more with moving with the creative energy through the body and the art of choosing to move to the music or not but still listening to the music. Yesterday when I tried to feel that creative energy he had described I did my best but can you say “Epic Fail!” Okay it wasn’t that bad and I certainly learned what it was not even if I was moving creatively and there was definite growth as I discovered that I could hear the music, be detached on a certain level to be able to choose to move the way I created. I didn’t have to get lost in the music. As we explored this further today, I got it. I felt that energy that he was talking about but could not describe and I knew it. It was incredible! It only lasted a few bars but now I know exactly how it feels and I was not lost in anything. I could still hear the music, I could choose to follow it or not but it was just so full and amazing. I know this does not even come close to describing the feelings or if it even makes sense but yeah. That is kind of all there is to say. YES!
Debbie taught the Nia class this evening (Opal for those wondering) and I highly recommend that if you ever get the chance to take a class from Carlos or Debbie or preferably both. Do it. Very different and wonderful and a lot noisier then our classes are. There was a lot more growling and cheering and having a class of 50 plus people yelling yes and no at the same time almost makes up for the lack of space in its power. Almost. It was also interesting that as exhausted as I was, and I could not move out of level one for most of the class, how much energy was given back. It was also interesting to note the different energies in the different parts of the room. For me, the space near the window felt more open and as a result I felt more open. Near the middle and towards the front was some crazy powerful energy and it was near impossible to stay level one, and it felt really good. By the door, I felt more constrained and my energy dropped as my attention seemed to focus on how tired I was instead of the pleasure. Needless to say, as soon as I could, I made my way back to the windows and I felt recharged enough to enjoy the rest of the class. I do have to point out that the last song, my movements were pretty darn pathetic!
Well this turned out longer then I had anticipated and hopefully it makes some strange kind of sense, or at least bit of amusement at my thoughts. This is all pretty incredible and I am off to ground and get some rest for the core of the body tomorrow.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Nia Day Two
Okay, feel free to laugh at me but this morning as I was driving into Portland and then rolling around on the floor to warm up, I was really feeling homesick for my Sunday Nia community. “Man,” I thought to myself, “I bet Laurie is teaching them ‘Passion’ right now without me while I am stuck here in Portland about to learn the Joy of Movement from Carlos. Hey wait a minute!” Yeah, that statement pretty much takes away the pity party right there doesn’t it. Still, it really is telling to me just how much each of us brings to the class and how much of my journey has been filled with this wonderful committed energy. Includeing energy that the forty plus of us created the space this morning as Carlos guided us to remove distractions through stillness.
I have to confess that I did not realize when Laurie was talking about the joy of movement, how much I was intertwining the emotion of joy instead of the sensation of joy from with in the body. This was my little ‘A-ha!’ moment if you will. Now I feel better armed to recognize when it happens and when I lose it. When I was sick two weeks ago and pulled it back to level one, I had found the joy of movement in my body more so then classes when I was well because I was forced to listen and be present in my body but it makes sense now. It really came home when he had us move with the sensation of joy and then had us invite emotion to visit our movements. The difference in the quality was amazing to sense and pretty incredible. Fun too.
Speaking of checking in with my body and energy levels, it has been interesting to assess where I am at during breaks and during lunch. First break I had been monitoring my energy levels pretty well, at least up until we had the Nia class before lunch. It was a blast but darn irresistible to throw yourself into the music and movement with abandon. I must confess to squeeing on the inside when the song ‘Kissing’ came on. Fred that one was for you! Yet we still have seven to go. Yikes. Next up is natural time and the movement forms, Music and the 8bc system. Thank you so much to Laurie for teaching us RAW. I cannot tell you how many times I have used that today!
Before lunch break ends I just want to share what was an incredible sense of community. Carlos had the class experience the joy of movement while doing a Nia move to one of the Sanjana songs (The ‘oh I’m in heaven baby, whoa whoa whoah!). As we did the move through the song with an 8 count there was a moment when the music was about to change and the entire group waited just a single count longer to hit the count on the emphasis beat all by instinct. It felt amazing.
So now I am finally home, with out losing my way this time but there is just so much information. Debbie spoke to us about natural time and the movement forms the Carlos followed up with the music and the 8bc system and we ended with the first two elements of FreeDance. Of course I had a ton of oh that is what is going on moments from shifting from one movement form to the other, to the healing forms actually restoring my energy levels when I was absolutely depleted by that point to exploring the idea of moving creatively in a freedance while listening to the music in why that maintains the focus of both without conflict. I am not sure I am making sense right now and perhaps it would be better to sleep on it and explore it more tomorrow. I do want to point out that while I always knew Laurie and Fred were amazing teachers, my respect for what they do and what they put into their practice to create a Nia class for us has gone up 1000 fold. Wow. Thank you guys. Off to get some sleep as we are scheduled to do the base, more music stuff and I believe the levels of intensity.
I have to confess that I did not realize when Laurie was talking about the joy of movement, how much I was intertwining the emotion of joy instead of the sensation of joy from with in the body. This was my little ‘A-ha!’ moment if you will. Now I feel better armed to recognize when it happens and when I lose it. When I was sick two weeks ago and pulled it back to level one, I had found the joy of movement in my body more so then classes when I was well because I was forced to listen and be present in my body but it makes sense now. It really came home when he had us move with the sensation of joy and then had us invite emotion to visit our movements. The difference in the quality was amazing to sense and pretty incredible. Fun too.
Speaking of checking in with my body and energy levels, it has been interesting to assess where I am at during breaks and during lunch. First break I had been monitoring my energy levels pretty well, at least up until we had the Nia class before lunch. It was a blast but darn irresistible to throw yourself into the music and movement with abandon. I must confess to squeeing on the inside when the song ‘Kissing’ came on. Fred that one was for you! Yet we still have seven to go. Yikes. Next up is natural time and the movement forms, Music and the 8bc system. Thank you so much to Laurie for teaching us RAW. I cannot tell you how many times I have used that today!
Before lunch break ends I just want to share what was an incredible sense of community. Carlos had the class experience the joy of movement while doing a Nia move to one of the Sanjana songs (The ‘oh I’m in heaven baby, whoa whoa whoah!). As we did the move through the song with an 8 count there was a moment when the music was about to change and the entire group waited just a single count longer to hit the count on the emphasis beat all by instinct. It felt amazing.
So now I am finally home, with out losing my way this time but there is just so much information. Debbie spoke to us about natural time and the movement forms the Carlos followed up with the music and the 8bc system and we ended with the first two elements of FreeDance. Of course I had a ton of oh that is what is going on moments from shifting from one movement form to the other, to the healing forms actually restoring my energy levels when I was absolutely depleted by that point to exploring the idea of moving creatively in a freedance while listening to the music in why that maintains the focus of both without conflict. I am not sure I am making sense right now and perhaps it would be better to sleep on it and explore it more tomorrow. I do want to point out that while I always knew Laurie and Fred were amazing teachers, my respect for what they do and what they put into their practice to create a Nia class for us has gone up 1000 fold. Wow. Thank you guys. Off to get some sleep as we are scheduled to do the base, more music stuff and I believe the levels of intensity.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
It has begun!
Tonight was the start of Nia White Belt intensive training and even at four hours my brain is full, my inner imp is excited and a small part of me is wondering what it is I have gotten myself into!
I have always struggled with my self-image. Confidence. It seems like such a simple thing, just believe in yourself and it all falls into place, right? As I have gotten older, the self critic’s grip on my has gotten less but it’s voice is still a powerful motivator and antagonist in my personal battle to self acceptance. Any name that anyone could have possibly called me could have never been worse then the names and thoughts that I have harmed myself with through the years. So it should come as no surprise to me that I am about to undertake an exciting journey of self-discovery through Nia this next week that my critic emerges as furiously as it ever does. “I am not ready, I am not thin enough, good enough, fit enough. I will not look right, eat right, or move right. What if I fail?” And so on. It can quickly become quite tiresome and draining. Am I the only one with a critic this obnoxious? I mean really! The most amusing part of the critic’s tirade is that I would never have fallen in love with Nia and by extension my growing image of my self as beautiful if it was all of those things that my critic is trying to warn me against. I am ready now. So for the next month my critic gets to take a very long nap (April is scrip frenzy which I am also foolishly going to attempt.) and when I decide to take it out again, we are going to have a long series of renegotiations over its duties.
So what does this have to do with my first night of training? Well not much but it was amusing to me. I seem to be full of crazy ideas lately because I have taken it into my head to blog each night about the day, a sort of mental and emotional brain dump. I expect these posts to be come nonsensical pretty darn quick eventually becoming: Oooh pretty music, body tire, wooden floors and lots of people or even Huh, mmmmmph egag!
Or not.
We have a full class. 39 students. Holy Moly. Much of what was tonight was our agreement to the four principles or energy allies. They consist of speaking with impeccability, don’t assume anything, don’t take anything personally and always do your best. And be on time.
Bedtime is calling as we have an early start.
I have always struggled with my self-image. Confidence. It seems like such a simple thing, just believe in yourself and it all falls into place, right? As I have gotten older, the self critic’s grip on my has gotten less but it’s voice is still a powerful motivator and antagonist in my personal battle to self acceptance. Any name that anyone could have possibly called me could have never been worse then the names and thoughts that I have harmed myself with through the years. So it should come as no surprise to me that I am about to undertake an exciting journey of self-discovery through Nia this next week that my critic emerges as furiously as it ever does. “I am not ready, I am not thin enough, good enough, fit enough. I will not look right, eat right, or move right. What if I fail?” And so on. It can quickly become quite tiresome and draining. Am I the only one with a critic this obnoxious? I mean really! The most amusing part of the critic’s tirade is that I would never have fallen in love with Nia and by extension my growing image of my self as beautiful if it was all of those things that my critic is trying to warn me against. I am ready now. So for the next month my critic gets to take a very long nap (April is scrip frenzy which I am also foolishly going to attempt.) and when I decide to take it out again, we are going to have a long series of renegotiations over its duties.
So what does this have to do with my first night of training? Well not much but it was amusing to me. I seem to be full of crazy ideas lately because I have taken it into my head to blog each night about the day, a sort of mental and emotional brain dump. I expect these posts to be come nonsensical pretty darn quick eventually becoming: Oooh pretty music, body tire, wooden floors and lots of people or even Huh, mmmmmph egag!
Or not.
We have a full class. 39 students. Holy Moly. Much of what was tonight was our agreement to the four principles or energy allies. They consist of speaking with impeccability, don’t assume anything, don’t take anything personally and always do your best. And be on time.
Bedtime is calling as we have an early start.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A New Year, a New Promise.
Ah, another holiday season has come and gone and a New Year with the chance to bring in exciting new changes and let go of what no longer serves me in my life. It is a time to set intentions and goals. I wrote out three but realize now that I have them in the wrong order of priority. One of the most amazing things I have discovered this year was (and continues to be) Nia. Yes it is exercise but it has quickly become more then that. It has become something that I look forward to with much joy and I know no matter how I feel, the community and the practice will always leave me is a better space. The very first principle in Nia is to find the joy of movement, or the pleasure principle.
This last year was often overwhelming for me on a lot of levels as I committed to the work of being myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So my first intention this year is to grow the joy that comes from my Nia dance into every aspect and every day of my life. I want to find the pleasure and joy in the day to day with a sense of gratitude especially when I find the list of things to get done is longer then I have time for!
My second intention is a bit more specific as I set goals for my creativity and commit to writing, editing and yes I am going to go here, publishing. There. I said the very scary “P” word. I want to hold a copy of my very own book that I have written. This will mean taking some personal risks and being in a space that is prepared for success.
My last, (which ironically was written first!), intention is all about losing weight as clichéd as that may sound as a goal. At first I felt a sense of disappointment that despite exercise and trying to eat healthier, I never seemed to permanently lose weight this year. It was then that I realized that I was focusing on the wrong kind of weight and that the baggage I was in the process of getting rid of was far more important then any number of pounds. So I state the intention to continue to lose, that which no longer serves my family or me in my life. (And if physical weight gets lost in the process, I am certainly not going to complain!) Self doubt, irrational fears, I am looking at you. Oh, and inner critic, you are officially on notice!
Peace and Love this year!Happy 2009 Everyone!
This last year was often overwhelming for me on a lot of levels as I committed to the work of being myself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So my first intention this year is to grow the joy that comes from my Nia dance into every aspect and every day of my life. I want to find the pleasure and joy in the day to day with a sense of gratitude especially when I find the list of things to get done is longer then I have time for!
My second intention is a bit more specific as I set goals for my creativity and commit to writing, editing and yes I am going to go here, publishing. There. I said the very scary “P” word. I want to hold a copy of my very own book that I have written. This will mean taking some personal risks and being in a space that is prepared for success.
My last, (which ironically was written first!), intention is all about losing weight as clichéd as that may sound as a goal. At first I felt a sense of disappointment that despite exercise and trying to eat healthier, I never seemed to permanently lose weight this year. It was then that I realized that I was focusing on the wrong kind of weight and that the baggage I was in the process of getting rid of was far more important then any number of pounds. So I state the intention to continue to lose, that which no longer serves my family or me in my life. (And if physical weight gets lost in the process, I am certainly not going to complain!) Self doubt, irrational fears, I am looking at you. Oh, and inner critic, you are officially on notice!
Peace and Love this year!Happy 2009 Everyone!
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